The wordsthat have a magical spell
‘Please,Thank you, You are welcome and I am sorry’
Vanam JwalaNarasimha Rao
The HansIndia (21-04-2024)
{The‘Building Blocks’ of proper etiquette and good manners comprise four magicwords. They are, ‘Please, Thank you, You are Welcome, and I am Sorry.’ If thesewords and phrases are imparted to children at an early age, they then continueto use them throughout their life. They would realise that by using ‘Thank You,Please, and Sorry’ it helps to ‘Build Relationships of Trust andUnderstanding.’ They will also understand that the power of these words helpspeople feel valued and respected} - Editor
I very wellremember, that, my Brother-in-Law Dr AV Manohar Rao, a pediatrician, on hisreturn from United Kingdom way back in 1975, after staying four years there, tellingme about his elder brother and friends’ advise to him the next minute he landedat London Airport. They said that, in UK one should invariably startconversation with the word ‘Please’ and end with ‘Thank You.’ He scrupulouslyremembered this, and at least 50 times a day did it. Right from the Cab Driverto the Steward at restaurant, Hospital Supporting Staff etc. saying ‘Please’and ‘Thank You’ was his routine. 50 years after he left UK, in India too, he doesit.
Expressing gratefulnessis part of Indian culture too from time immemorial. The ‘Dhanyavaad,’ a moreformal way of ‘Thank You’ and used to connote an extra special feeling ofgratitude, such as receiving ‘Benefit’ or ‘Help’ as well as when speaking to anelder or an authority figure, has been an accepted Indian Tradition. ‘Namaste’is the ‘Traditional Indian Greeting’ by way of slight bow or a hand gesturewhere the palms are pressed together in front of the chest. Whether the Indianway or the foreign way, not only this politeness, but other etiquettes, areseldom adhered by many these days. For some expressing ‘Thanks’ is an odd thingand below prestige. They ‘Rarely Remember the Help,’ and feel it as ‘BirthRight’!!!
The ‘BuildingBlocks’ of proper etiquette and good manners comprise of four magic words. Theyare, ‘Please, Thank you, You are Welcome, and I am Sorry.’ Only when thesewords and phrases are imparted to children at an early age, and ‘Catch themYoung’ then, they continue using themthroughout their life. They wouldrealize that by using ‘Thank You, Please, and Sorry’ it helps to ‘Build Relationshipsof Trust and Understanding.’ They will also understand that the power of thesewords helps people feel valued and respected.
Among these, the mostimportant one, ‘Thank You’ itself is not just enough to show the beneficiary’s appreciationfully. It adds emphasis by saying, ‘I could not have done it without you,Thanks for having my back, Thanks for looking out for me, I owe you, Thanks forbeing such Amazing Person, This means a lot to me’ etc. Saying ‘Thank You’ shallboost morale, and create a positive atmosphere. It improves one’s ownwell-being, as gratitude is linked to happiness and life satisfaction. Theother positive benefit of ‘Thank You’ is in the ‘Law of Reciprocity.’ Whenpeople hear ‘Thank you,’ the first thing they want to do in return, is toreciprocate and say ‘Thank You’ back. The reason is, intrinsic in everyone, isthe ‘Law of Reciprocity’ that is, when someone does something, the recipient, feelingobligated to reciprocate. This too is absent in today’s scenario in general andparticularly in politicians.
The word ‘Please’entered English language in the early 13th century from Old French ‘Plaisir'meaning ‘To give pleasure or satisfy.’ In the 14th century themeaning changed ‘To Delight’ and again in the 15th century themeaning became ‘To be Pleased.’ Frequently saying ‘Please’ and ‘Thank You’began to take hold during the ‘Commercial Revolution’ of the 16th and17th centuries, in late Middle Ages in Europe, among middle classes.
‘Please andThank You’ are expressions of appreciation, gratitude, politeness, andrecognition for someone's efforts or kindness. They are often used inconversation to demonstrate respect for the person being addressed. They are neededfor ‘Good Manners’ in every communication. In a professional setting, thoughthey may seem like simple and small gestures, they hold immense value, besideshaving a huge impact on the overall satisfaction of guests as well as professionalism.
‘Please’ isa sign of respect and is used while making a request. Derived from the phrase ‘IfYou Please’ or ‘If it please(s) you,’ the term has taken on significant gradationbased on its pitch and the relationship between the persons between whom it isused. But one should remember that, ‘Please and Thank you’ means that someone isasking someone for a favor, and in anticipation of ‘that it is likely to bedone,’ thanking in advance for their help is the minimum courtesy. At leastthanking after the favor is least obligation! But how many among us realizethis, is the million-door question, and no answer! In the absence thisetiquette, it is but natural that it may seem rude to the person who did favor.
Aninteresting book ‘The Berenstain Bears Say Please and Thank You’ by Jan andMike Berenstain illustrates a clear message in it. The message is: ‘If the Berenstain Bears cando it, your kids can too! The Berenstain Bears know that it is always best tobe polite.’ Another great book ‘365 Thank Yous’ describes how a man wrote a ‘ThankYou Card’ every day for a year and how it completely turned his life around. Itis worth trying and emulating at least by politicians.
Similarly,according to Oliver Young, in his article 'The Power in Thank You, Please andSorry,’ sincerity implicitly and profoundly understood. The power of thesephrases will only be evident if they are said with sincerity and with realintent. When the sincerity is real, possibilities of greater ability to connectwith persons around, build better teams, and create longer, more fulfillingrelationships are better. According to Rhonda Scharf, ‘Please’ and ‘Thank You’are simple words, and yet it seems that most people do not use them enough.Basic etiquette is often missing in society, in both personal lives as well asprofessional ones!
Gratitudeis the ability to see value in others. When gratitude is received from someone,it is highly valued, and appreciated. It brings joy and connection. It is thebad habit of many, who often fail to express their gratitude for others, andsurprisingly on the pretext of ‘Convenient Forgetting’ that comes ‘Handy’ tosuch people. Gratitude is the feelingthat allows everyone to be perceptive of others and the good they bring into one’slife. One of the best ways to spread ‘Gratitude’ is identify people (not many!)speaking ‘Good and Positively Behind Other’s Backs’ which is opposite of gossip,to consciously encourage and support him or her.
There isgreat power in saying ‘I am sorry.’ A sincere apology is the ability toeffectively empathize with someone. Apologizing allows everyone to change thedirection of a relationship and it says with certainty that the person caresabout the other person. ‘Sorry’ is often seen under the light of weakness ordefeat which is incorrect. The ability to sincerely apologize shows empathy,seeing other’s points of view, and reflecting on situations.
These areall ‘Important Traits of a Leader’ too. Expressing an apology does not mean wrongis done, or victory to others. The most powerful part of an apology is theability for people to feel that one cares more about his or her relationshipwith others, than the current situation being faced together. When one says ‘Iam sorry,’ he or she is effectively saying that they care about thisrelationship.
Witnessinglarge number of politicians ‘Day in and Day out’ defecting from one party toother, after enjoying power, and harshly blaming the leader of former party, fortheir ‘Unethical Act’ is the most ‘Thankless Job’ and ‘Peak of‘Ungratefulness.’ Neglecting small things, leading to developing poor habits, bynot saying ‘Please and Thank you’ by displaying respect, may cost a lot inone’s life.
Hence, LetUs remember the ‘Magic Words’ ‘Please, Thank you, You arewelcome and I am sorry.’
